I Much Prefer the Flogger
I was nearly certain my eyes would cross. The harmless looking manila envelope Edward had given turned out to be one massive fucking headache. There were checklists, a contract, a list of the levels of submission, an information guide on safe words, and other various documents. While most of the information was extremely useful, it made me want to pull my fucking hair out and scream. I never realized how detailed I would have to be in order to gain entry to this world. It was insanity.
Most of the activities on the checklist I had heard of, but there were some that I had no clue what they were. Such as dilation. Not only did it sound extremely painful, but wasn’t that dangerous too? And the idea of being auctioned off for charity was slightly disturbing, but I had told Edward I would only sub for him, would he follow that? Google helped me a lot, but there are certain things that you can never unlearn. I’m hoping the list of items I searched for today don’t fall in that category. Like scat, and fisting, and pony torture.
The purpose of the checklist was twofold. One, it would give Edward an idea of the things I had already done. Two, it would tell him what I was interested in doing, willing to try, and what things I might have had a fetish about. As red-faced as it had made me, I tried to be as honest as possible throughout the whole questionnaire.
This was a complex process that they took very seriously. The contract was the real deal that stated specifically what was expected and what was not tolerable. It was to be signed by Edward, me, and a witness as well. I wasn’t sure where it would be kept, but I assumed from the triplicate copies, I would be getting one for my own records.
I looked over the levels of submission. As it turned out, my real desire was to be a Full-Time Live In Consensual Slave. The FTLICS title had a nice ring to it. Maybe I could ask Edward to call me that sometime. Or Ft. Lics
The information about safe words was probably the most useful item in the packet. I was nervous about the whole process and how it worked. Obviously, I had never received a safe word from Eric. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I thought back to the day before when I had given Eric’s name to Edward. The more information I read, the more I knew that Eric was being reckless and careless with other people. I had known that deep down, but now I knew it with conviction.
Beyond all of that, I still was a little apprehensive about the whole idea of safe words. The article said I shouldn’t get in trouble for using it, and that if I used it all play would stop immediately. But what would happen if Edward got too caught up in a scene? Would he have the control to stop? Would he be angry with me for my discomfort? My head was spinning around in circles. I decided I would have to ask him more about it when I saw him again.
Halfway through the packet, a leaflet caught my eye. It was done in subdued colors and there were sensual black and white photos gracing the cover. Each photo was a bondage scene, but they were all so… erotic. Across the front, in a flowing script, read ‘The Submissive.’
My curiosity was piqued, so I opened it up. Inside were two things: The Submissive’s Creed and The Submissive’s Prayer. I read each one over and over, committing them to memory. Key phrases in each caught my eye though. The Creed stated at one point, “Above all, i will wear my title of submissive with honor, i will never cause others to think that being submissive means being subhuman. i will take pride in who and what i am, and will never show myself in a negative way.”
It struck home with me. I was going to be proud of who I was, even if I didn’t feel the need to shout it from the rooftops. I also understood that not everyone would be as supportive of me as my friends were. In fact, there might be some people out there that would either use the information against me, or to hurt me. It was a fine line to walk.
The Prayer was almost the same thing, but written in a different format. One was a request for guidance while the other was a promise of servitude. This one said, “Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely. Grant me the strength to please U/us both. Permit me to love myself in loving Him. Allow me the peace of serving Him. For it is my greatest wish, my highest power to make His life complete, as He makes mine.”
I held those words to me tightly, like a beacon of hope. I would be able to find my way, and I would be able to please him. With a renewed spirit, I filled out the remainder of the information.
On Tuesday, I made my way to his house again in a stupor. I had been up entirely too late filling out paperwork and doing more research. Time seemed to have slipped away from me and before I knew it, it was 3AM . I doubted that would make Edward very happy; he had specifically told me no more late nights. At least this time I had a good excuse and was willing to argue my case.
As before, I wasn’t kept waiting long before I was escorted back to Edward’s office again. We sat again, across from each other, and just stared. For five minutes. It was a little nerve-wracking to be honest. I never knew what I was supposed to be doing, or what he was looking for. I was afraid that at any time he would tell me I was free to leave, but he wouldn’t ask me to return.
My nerves were shot and I was feeling like I was about to crack when he grinned at me. I wasn’t entirely sure he couldn’t read my mind.
“Did you talk to your friends about your wardrobe?”
Shit. I knew I forgot something. “Um… no. Not exactly.”
He raised one brow at me while he continued to eye me. “You look tired, Isabella.”
Damn him. “I’m sorry. I was finishing the paperwork you gave me and some of the… activities… needed to be researched so I could fully understand.” I was blushing five different shades of red, I was sure.
He tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his amusement. “Is that so? Let’s take a look then.” He held his hand out and I placed the manila folder into it. He was scanning to list of hard and soft limits when his eyes widened and his grin flashed. His brow was raised again when he looked up at me. “You surprise me, Isabella.”
I was embarrassed to the soles of my feet. I had to learn to get over that, learn to get better control over my reactions. It was going to be part of my duty from now on. “I’m sorry?” I wasn’t quite sure what had surprised him.
He smiled at me fully before replying, “I wouldn’t have pegged you as someone with a fetish for flogging and spanking.” My cheeks heated in yet another tortuous blush and I tried to cover my face. I heard him hissing through his tongue at me. “Don’t hide your face from me.”
I planted my hands by my side and was tempted to sit on them. I sat, tight-lipped, while he looked me over. Finally I cracked, “Actually, I much prefer the flogger.” In my head, I was squirming around under his intense stare, but outwardly I was composed. Unless he noticed my racing pulse, then he’d call my bluff.
“I’ll have to remember that. You have an appointment on Friday at the hospital, 8 AM . They’ll conduct the drug tests, as well as testing you for any STDs. I have already arranged for payments and they are expecting you to bring an ID. Do you have any questions?” He was the no-nonsense business man now. I almost wished for the flash of desire in his eyes that made him more human, more approachable.
“Actually, yes. I have a question about safe words.” I had to voice it now, or else I might lose my nerve.
“Oh? And what did you want to know about them?”
“Well, I was reading the information that you gave me and one of the documents was talking about the importance of safe words.” I trailed off, not exactly sure how to phrase my question.
“That’s correct. The safe word is put into place to protect you, the submissive, as well as the Dom, which would be me in this case.”
“But what if you don’t stop? Or if you get mad? What happens if you lose control?” I blurted it out in a rush.
He watched me for a moment before he smiled. “That’s a very good question. First, a good Dom will always stop immediately once a safe word is used. There are standards in our community that we must abide by; otherwise we wouldn’t be any more than the sexual deviants that most people believe us to be.
Second, it’s not my place to get mad at you for using your safe word. It’s there for your protection. I am supposed to learn your body, as well and your wants, needs, and fears. Even though I’ll push your boundaries, I still have to respect them and you. You are my world now, focusing on keeping you happy and healthy is what a Dom does. You have given me the greatest gift anyone ever could. You gave me you, completely.
And last, it is my responsibility as your Dom to maintain control at all times. If I don’t have control, I have no business doing a scene with you. During a session, your safety, your comfort, and your pleasure are first and foremost for me. Please know that you can always talk to me about what makes you frightened, or uncomfortable, and we can work through it together. Your gift to me is precious. I intend to treat it as such.”
His words had moved me. It was a reiteration of the words I had memorized the night before. Everything I had read told me that this was a respectful and trusting relationship. Possibly even more so than any marriage, in a marriage there isn’t a contract stating specifically what you expect from the other. Plus, the magnitude of the relationship and the power involved isn’t anywhere close to that of a traditional marriage.
His words about me being a precious gift had my heart giving one hard kick. Would I ever learn to control my body’s responses to this man? What was it about him specifically that affected me so intensely? “Thank you.”
“Thank you, Isabella. As we get to know each other better, we will learn to trust one another. Trust is going to be the key factor in this relationship, because without trust, I can’t be a successful Dom for you. Do you understand?”
“Yes Sir.”
“If possible, I’d like to spend time with you and your friends. I’d like to get to know everything about you.”
My smile nearly split my face. I was so elated. “Of course.”
“Do you have any other questions for me?”
“No Sir.”
“Good girl. Now, come here.” He pushed his chair back from his desk and motioned for me to stand in front of him. My hands were clasped behind my back and my eyes were downcast as I stood before him, waiting for him to instruct me.
He turned my body so that I was facing his desk, then he stood and took my wrists in his hands. He placed my hands on the desk and gently pushed me forward. “Lean forward and stay,” he whispered into my ear.
I felt his feet pushing mine apart until they were shoulder width. He sat back in his chair and looked over my form. The suspense of it all was killing me. Finally, he gathered the hem of my dress and pushed it over my hips so it pooled on my lower back. I was grateful to Alice
My breathing began picking up and I could feel my center heating up. I thought he was going to pull my panties down before his hand came swishing through the air landing smartly on my lace covered bottom. The surprise of it had a moan escaping me before I could catch it. He spanked me again, repeatedly, first on one side then on the other until I was shaking.
I could feel my arousal dripping down my leg and the smell of it was heavy in the air. Then he began caressing me, rubbing all the soreness and tightness away. I could feel the heat radiating off my own skin but his hands were cool and soothed the burn. He opened a desk drawer and took out a small tube of aloe lotion. Then he did pull my panties down, but only to carefully and gently apply some of the lotion to my red cheeks.
When he was done, he pulled the lace panties back up and put my dress back in order. He took my balled up fists in his hands and kissed each one until they were relaxed and open. He brushed the hair from my face as I stood before him, then he placed a feather-light kiss on my forehead. His head bowed and his forehead met mine. “Thank you, Isabella. Now, please tell your friends to take you shopping.”
Alice and Rose had taken Edward quite seriously on the need to expand my wardrobe. Never mind that we might not even be compatible. They insisted that we were fated. Not to mention the fact that they had his credit card and nothing in this world could have stood between the use of that credit card and the mall.
Apparently, Alice Alice
Every couple of days, Edward and Rose would be chatting each other up, talking about my favorite movies, my favorite foods, what kind of music I liked, and things of that nature. It seemed that he was willing to use whatever sources available to him to learn everything there was to know about me. Everywhere I went it seemed that someone I knew had spoken to him about me. Even Emmett and Jasper had talked to Edward. Both of them had thanked me profusely for their new friend.
Everyone loved Edward. It was hard not to though. When he said he wanted me to have downtime and time with my friends, he meant it. Most times, if he wasn’t busy at the hospital, he came with us. The six of us fit together perfectly.
Edward and I were able to interact as such a normal couple when we were out, no one would have suspected the depth of our relationship. There was no doubt in my mind that we had a relationship now. I knew I questioned our compatibility often and wondered what I would do if he decided we didn’t fit, but I did know there was something there. Would he be able to walk away from the connection we already had? I hoped the answer was no.
We spent nearly every free moment we had together. The first week we had the assessments, he stayed overnight on the couch in my living room on the nights we didn’t have sessions. On the nights we did, I would sleep in my room at his house. The second week though, we had taken to sleeping in each other’s rooms, in the same bed. I didn’t know what that said about us, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
He had never made love to me in either of our beds. Actually, we hadn’t had sex at all yet, not even during a session. Instead we would talk and laugh. It was all very confusing to me. I was worried about what that meant for us. At least there was still time to convince him that he needed me as much as I now needed him.
The more time we spent together, whether having a session or just hanging out, the more I learned about him. I now could tell you that he played the piano like a pro and that he had a mean competitive streak. He was amazingly smart, had a sharp wit, and could make me laugh in a million different ways.
He loved to play video games with the guys and cuddling on the couch while watching movies. He went to bed late and woke early, every day. He was obsessively neat, almost to the point of compulsion. Everything about him was so fascinating.
He’d grown up an only child here in Chicago
They had relocated the year before to a small island Carlisle had purchased for Esme. He had named it Isle Esme
I tried not to wonder too much about that as I drifted off to sleep in his arms. He liked to cuddle in bed, too. Thinking of all the little things I had learned about him always made me smile. I always did so when I was falling asleep, and tonight would be no different.
He preferred the left side of the bed and liked watching me while I slept. He enjoyed that I talked in my sleep and he enjoyed spending time with me. And above all else, I was dangerously close to falling in love with Edward Cullen.
We had already had six meetings and were heading into the third and final week. I had transferred my medical charts to Edward and was at my first scheduled appointment. I was so much more nervous about this meeting than I had been about our other meetings. I didn’t know why, but even I knew it was absurd.
At least I wasn’t sitting here in one of those ridiculous paper gowns. I had been visitor to enough emergency rooms and doctor’s offices to have suffered the humility of the paper gown numerous times. It was amazing most doctor’s never realized that the comfort of a cotton gown could erase some of the insecurities you had by being there in the first place.
As per his usual standard, I was only kept waiting a few minutes. I didn’t know if it was what I could usually expect when I had appointments with him, but I secretly hoped that he had rushed so that he could see me. He had a smile on his face and a chart under his arm. I smiled warmly in return as he took his seat at the small desk.
“Well, your tests came back clean. You’re a very healthy girl, Isabella. Well, for the most part,” he said as he laughed, gesturing to the folder on the table.
“What’s that?” I asked, wondering why he had brought it with him.
“It’s your chart.” No. That couldn’t be my chart. I’d seen my chart before and it was much larger than that.
“That can’t be my chart. It’s so small.” I clapped my hands over my mouth and desperately wished I could take back the words. It was so embarrassing that he was soon going to know about every bump and spill I’d had over the years. They were numerous.
His laugh bounced around the room as he shook his head. “No, you’re right. It is small. I have the rest of it stored in my office. You’re a very clumsy girl, aren’t you?” He didn’t even bother to try and hide his grin. Why should he?
I still groaned in mortification though. I felt I was justified. “Please, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I must admit, it’s been quite the education to learn about you Bella.” Did he have to torture me?
“I’ll beg if I have to, just please let’s not talk about it.”
“Oh, but we must, love. At least we won’t have to do it in detail. It would take all night otherwise.” He laughed again as I glared at him. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, I won’t tease anymore.”
“Thank you. Can we please get on with the appointment now?”
His lips twitched and he cleared his throat. “Of course. As I said before, you’re a very healthy girl. Your blood count is in the normal range, your cholesterol is too, and your weight as well. You have an extremely healthy heart and your lungs are perfect. Other than some weakness at break sites, your bones are healthy too. All in all, you’re in pretty good shape.”
“Thanks for the rundown, Doc.” I rolled my eyes, more comfortable since his moment of hilarity. He swatted my knee with my file. Or my newly condensed file anyway.
“Now that the business portion of this meeting is over,” he slid his stool over so that he was right in front of me. He parted my knees and moved the stool closer, until he was nestled in between. “Have you spoken with your boss at the library?”
“Um… yes. I told them I was going through some changes in my life and needed to take some time off. I told them I would let them know if and when I was ready to come back.”
“Clever, aren’t you?”
“I figured they’d appreciate it if I was as honest with them as possible. They wished me good luck with my endeavors and told me that if I ever needed a job again, I would be more than welcome to return.” I was rather proud of the way I had handled it. Everyone was happy and I wouldn’t be left in a lurch when my agreement with Edward came to an end.
“You are coming over for a session this evening. Be at my house at 6 PM , sharp. And don’t wear anything under your dress.”
I felt my heart speed up, partially due to his proximity, mostly to do with his words. He wanted me to go without panties this evening? Really? My eyes nearly crossed, but I held firm.
“Yes Sir.”
I wasn’t quite sure why I did it; perhaps I wanted to test my boundaries now while I still had somewhat of a chance. This could totally backfire in my face though. It was a tossup as to which course would be the wisest. But I’d already made it this far, I might as well see it through.
When I walked up and knocked on the door to Edward’s house, I was wearing another pair of lace panties. It was a red pair, to match my dress. God help me if this was the wrong choice.
When he answered the door, he must have seen the guilt in my eyes. His left brow quirked, an action that seemed to weaken my knees, and he brushed his tongue along his teeth.
“I was going to tell you that dinner will be ready in about an hour, but it looks like you’ve got something to tell me.” Damn him for being able to read me so well already.
“It’s chilly tonight?” All the bravado I had previously felt left my body in one whoosh. Now, I was meek and scared, hoping he wouldn’t be angry enough to send me away.
“And?”
“And my… you know, was cold.” I was too nervous to say the word. I felt ridiculous. I had planned on staying firm since him choosing my clothing wasn’t one of the things I was particularly interested in. I’d be willing to bend to his will for formal functions, but for other times, when it was just us, I wanted to be me.
His lip twitched but he didn’t crack the smile that was threatening. “Hmmm… no, I don’t think I do know. What exactly was cold Isabella?”
I closed my eyes and looked at my feet. “Do I have to say it?”
He covered his chuckle with a cough, fairly unsuccessfully I might add. “Yes, love. You do.”
I looked up and right into his green eyes. “Pussy,” I said precisely. “My pussy was cold. I wore a pair of panties.”
His eyes darkened and he pursed his lips. “Is that right? I believe I instructed you not to wear anything under your dress. Isn’t that correct?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“And yet you chose to disobey me, defiantly as well.” He walked around me and took in my form. “On your knees Isabella, and hands behind your back. First you will need to ask for forgiveness.”
My heart was pounding but I held firm, for some unknown reason. “I don’t believe that I checked the box indicating that I was interested in having you choose my clothing.”
He smirked at me before he stepped right into my personal space. His mouth brushed the shell of my ear as he breathed into it, “But I wasn’t choosing your clothing, my pet. I was choosing your undergarments.” I should have known Mr. Quick-Wit would find some kind of loophole, but isn’t this exactly why I had taken my chances? I wanted to know my boundaries. Apparently they weren’t very broad and the idea excited me.
I looked him in his eye for only a fraction of a moment before I lowered myself into the subservient pose he had requested. He stepped forward and ran his hands through my hair. “Good girl. Is there anything you would like to say?”
“Please forgive me, Sir. It won’t happen again.” My eyes were cast to the floor. I hoped he’d forgive me.
“Stand and follow me.” He retreated through the house and up the stairwell. I was excited at my success. If we were going to have a session, surely that meant he wasn’t going to dismiss me, didn’t it?
Upon entering the playroom, I walked to the middle of the room and dropped to my knees. I waited there as he stood off to the side, watching me. I heard him approach me, but I held my position until he told me differently.
“I appreciate that you stood up for yourself. It shows that you know what you want and what you don’t want. You aren’t afraid to face anyone down. You won’t be a doormat. These are all qualities we will need to work with to make you your own, a unique submissive.”
He was setting something up, but I didn’t dare to look. All I could hear was the sound of something heavy being shifted around on the floor and the rattling sounds. I could hear Edward’s footsteps and then the opening and closing of drawers. After a few more moments, he was standing in front of me.
“Stand up, Isabella.” I got to my feet, but kept my head down. I didn’t know what was coming next.
“The fact remains that you disobeyed me. Since you aren’t technically my submissive yet, I could let it slide, but I think it’s safe to say at this point that you will be my submissive.” The last part was whispered into my ear in a husky tone. “That means I’m going to have to punish you.”
My knees started shaking and my panties were getting wet. He was circling me, like an animal stalking its prey, taunting it. I could feel him watching me, his eyes taking in everything about me. His hands ghosted over my body again, tempting me to sway into them.
“Take off your dress, Isabella.” I reached under my arm and slid down the side zipper. Crossing my arms over my chest, I nudged the straps down over my shoulders. The material fell, clinging momentarily to my bare breasts. When it was pooled onto the floor, I stepped out of it and went to remove my red lace boy shorts, but Edward’s voice stopped me.
“Leave those on.” I could hear the desire in his voice. “Come over here.” He gestured me toward a very fancy looking spanking horse. It was covered in black leather and had hooks all the way around it. My pounding heart and panting breath nearly caused me to black out.
I carefully put one foot in front of the other and made my way over to Edward. My arms were back behind me and I was clad only in my panties and my red heels. My nipples were hardened under the cool air, and Edward’s watchful gaze. When I was directly in front of him, I stopped and lowered my eyes to the floor.
“Amazing,” I heard Edward mutter under his breath. He ran his hands over me and guided me towards the horse. I was starting to quiver and he pulled me into him and placed his lips on my forehead. “If you feel like it’s too much, I want you to say ‘truck’ and I’ll stop immediately. Okay?”
I faintly registered it being the same word from each of our previous assessments, but I was too focused on what was coming next. I nodded in agreement.
Edward helped my onto the horse, positioning my bottom so that it was at the very end. My arms were down to my side and cuffed to the sides of the bench. My ankles were similarly cuffed, leaving me straddled over top. The padding of the horse was much more comfortable than I had imagined.
He walked around the side of the horse and tied the black scarves over my face again. After that first time, I never felt the need to flinch anymore. I trusted Edward. As if he was reading my mind again, he leaned down and whispered into my ear, “Do you trust me, Isabella?”
“Yes, Sir.” I breathily replied. I could feel my heart beating against the arch of the horse.
“I am going to go easy on you as it was your first offense, and you were testing me. Next time, I won’t be so lenient.” He was behind me now and I could feel his hands roaming over me.
He ran his hands gently over the lace in question and started speaking again. “These are very nice panties Isabella. Very nice, indeed.” Then, he grabbed them in two hands and ripped them clean off my body. My moan was low and echoed through the room. “But I did tell you not to wear anything under your dress.”
I was shaking with excitement. There was no fear, no hesitation, nothing. Just the anticipation and the desire. My senses were heightened due to my lack of vision and I could hear noises behind me to the right. I jumped when I felt the cool leather against my skin. Edward was going to flog me. I could feel my walls tightening at the thought. It wouldn’t be long before my arousal was leaking down my leg.
“I think 15 strokes on each side are fair enough, don’t you?” His voice was low and deep, and my body was desperate to respond to him.
“Yes Sir, please, Sir.” He knew I would like this. He was going to punish me with pleasure. I’m sure I could have handled more than 15 strokes, but the fact was that this was more of a tease. 15 strokes on each side would be enough to make me horny, but not enough to push me over the edge. Sneaky bastard.
I heard the flogger whistling through the air before the first stroke landed across my left side. I whimpered at the sensation. It seemed like eons that Edward worked over my cheeks, flogging one side then the other. He was methodical about it, slowly taking his time, spreading out the strokes as to not cause too much harm or pain in any one area.
My entire bottom was burning with heat, but the feelings were coursing through me. I was moaning and gasping, rubbing myself over the arch of the horse, desperately seeking friction. Anything that would trigger my release.
His voice was in my ear, stopping at number 10. “Isabella, you will stop that immediately.”
My body stilled completely. I needed the sweet torture he was providing me. After a moment, once he was assured I would no longer move, he began to whip me again. By the time he reached 15, I was biting my lips to keep from crying out. I could hear his ragged breathing from behind me and I knew he was turned on too.
Suddenly, he was in front of me, I could feel his presence and I could smell him. His smell mixed with the musky scent of my arousal threatened to overload me. I whimpered again and tightened every muscle in my body.
I felt his hand run down the length of my hair before he untied the scarf. The lust in his eyes would have weakened my knees. They were dark and turbulent, emotions threatened to spill over. “Open your mouth Isabella.”
I gasped. This would be the first time I would see him. Every other time he had pleasured and tested me. This would be my first chance to pleasure him. I immediately opened my mouth as he undid his pants and dropped them and his boxers around his ankles. His beautiful cock stood right before me, bouncing with every move he made.
I licked my lips as he brought it closer, then I moaned in pleasure as the taste of him hit my tongue. I swirled my tongue around the head and gathered the moisture that had already leaked out. It was ambrosia.
Slowly, he began thrusting into my mouth, careful not to go too fast or too hard. I hollowed out my cheeks and allowed him to push his entire length down my throat. The noises coming from him made me happy. If he was enjoying this, then I was serving my purpose, and I so desperately wanted to please him.
“Yes, yes, just… like… that.” He was panting and his eyes were clamped shut. His fingers had woven themselves into my hair and were holding my head still. His hips were thrusting back and forth with a steady motion. Growls were echoing in his chest and I knew he was getting close.
“Oh God,” he grunted. After a few more thrusts, I felt his shaft twitch as he released into my mouth, shouting my name in the process.
When he was done, I licked him clean then laid my head down on the horse I was still cuffed to. Edward pulled his boxers and pants back up before stepping around to retrieve the key off a nearby table. I heard every lock snick as he quickly released me. When he was done, he gathered me into his arms, just as he’d done that first day, and walked with me over to the arm chair.
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