Chapter Three - The Quest for More

The Quest for More


I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. I was waging an internal battle. I knew I was meant for this life, the life of a submissive, but what would I tell my friends? What would I tell my family? Surely none of them would understand, but how could they? Every one of them led a fulfilling sexual life, and I was on the outside watching with envy and anticipation. I knew my day would come, I just wasn’t expecting this.

My failed high school relationships had made me feel there was something wrong with me. Or, my first, Mike Newton, had just been too inexperienced to please me. There had been two more guys in the first years of college, neither of them worth mentioning because they too failed to please me. How was it that a little weasel of a man had brought me to such pleasurable heights?

Deep down, I knew that even if I had subjected myself to Eric and his kinky ways, there were plenty of unsuspecting girls that would fall to his mercy. It wasn’t right. Not everyone would enjoy being dominated in the same ways I had been. Perhaps one day karma would serve Eric his justice.

Once I got home from Eric’s place, I booted up my laptop and began to search for more information. I had a burning desire to know, to feel, and to have. I was hell bent on not letting that be my only orgasm. How could I give that up when I had finally found what I was looking for? I knew there was no way I would ever have a long-term relationship with Eric. There had been an unspoken agreement that it was a one-time only occurrence, so now I had to find someone new.

I brought up a Google browser and typed in ‘Domination and submission.’ The internet was a plethora of information, some useful and some a little too hardcore for my tastes. But my palette had been wetted. I was at the point of no return. My ringing phone broke my concentration and I answered without looking at the Caller ID.




“Hello?”

“Oh, Bella. You finally answered! Please don’t hang up on me!” Of course it was Alice. I mentally kicked myself for not checking first, but there was nothing I could do about it now. She deserved her say; we had been friends too long for me to deny her that.

I sighed deeply and rested my forehead in my palm. “Hey, Alice.”

I could hear her crying on the other end and felt a small seed of guilt for being the cause of her anguish. “I’m so sorry Bella, really I am. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I was tired, and I thought you guys were making fun of me. I guess it really doesn’t matter why I said it, I just… I wanted…” she was sobbing now, pleading with me to understand. “I miss you Bella. Please forgive me. I never should have been so cruel to you. You don’t deserve that, especially about that.”

“Shhh,” I tried to soothe her, but she was becoming hysterical. “Alice, calm down. It’s okay, I understand.”

She hiccupped through her tears, “You do?” She was sniffling now, and I could imagine her little pixie face, tear stained and sad. The though just broke my heart.

“Well, kind of. The point is you didn’t mean it, and we’ve been friends for too long to let something like sex come between us now, right?”

A small sad laugh broke through her tears. “Yeah, right. Can I please come over? I miss you so much.”

I looked around my apartment and debated telling her no. I wanted to continue my research, but I missed Alice too. “Sure Alice, come on over.” I closed the laptop and smiled into the phone. “Why don’t you call Rose and pick up a pizza, we’ll have a girl’s night.”

Her excited laughter rang through the phone. My quest would have to wait.

While tidying up my apartment, I reflected back to my previous evening and all that had happened. I was still the same person I had been, but I felt different. Liberated. There had been a weight pressing down on me for years, telling me I was inadequate sexually. All of that had been relieved last night and had shifted into something new. Now, I felt like a whole new person, a free person. The wonders of sex would never cease to amaze me.

I debated on what I would tell Alice and Rosalie. We had never kept secrets from each other, and I didn’t think I wanted to start doing it now. They loved me and supported me through everything so far so why would that change? Surely they would understand my need for fulfillment, even if they didn’t agree with the method. I knew there was something deliciously taboo about what I was entertaining, but even my best friends wouldn’t be able to stop me.

In the end I decided to go ahead and tell them. Better to be forthcoming than have them find out in some other fashion at some other point in time. Besides, the thought of hiding things from them boded of bad things. They wouldn’t appreciate it, and I needed my friends. They were all I had here in Chicago. My family was split into two, one part in Washington, the other in Florida. My friends were the glue that kept me together.

About an hour later, Alice and Rose showed up together, pizza in hand. They had also taken the liberty to pick up some movies, ice cream, and wine. They were really doing up the girl’s night. But thinking back, it had been a couple weeks since we’d had a night together, and we had never been apart as long as we had due to Alice’s word vomit. Tonight was needed.

“What movies did you bring?” I was curious to see what mood they were in.

“The essential movies for a successful girl’s night.” Rose held up the two movies in her hand, showing them to me.

“Pretty Woman and Steel Magnolias? You have a thing for Julia Roberts?” Rose smacked at my arm before brushing past me into my living room.

“Of course I do. Did you see her in Pretty Woman? So hot.” Alice laughed at Rose’s response before answering herself.

“Rose picked Pretty Woman, I picked Steel Magnolias. You can’t have a girl’s night without watching at least one tearjerker.” She was right. It had been a ritual of ours since we had met, so far be it from me to change things now.

“Excellent choices.”

With the pizza and the better part of two wine bottles gone, my inhibitions were lowered as we talked about what had happened in our separation. Rose had met a big hulk of a man named Emmett. The stars in her eyes told me that he was special, and the fact that she bubbled over about him for a good half hour. Alice was unusually quiet about what she’d done, but I was curious.

“So, Alice, what’s going on between you and Jasper?” She cringed at my words and I had a sinking feeling that something had gone wrong.

“Oh, nothing really.”

“Is something wrong Allie? Did you break up?” Rose looked at Alice pointedly before turning her attention back to the movie.

“No! Of course not. I just didn’t think you’d really be that interested after last week.” Well that explained the unusual behavior, but I had to set her straight.

“Nonsense Alice. I told you I was happy for you, and I meant it. Can we please just put last week behind us and go forward from here?”

“I told you so,” Rose muttered under her breath before Alice launched herself at me.

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, Bella! I really am sorry about all of that. But I’m so happy it’s not going to cause any problems for us, I couldn’t stand it if I lost you.”

All I could do was chuckle. Alice would be Alice. “Me too Allie, me too.”

Then Rose looked over at me and asked the one thing I had been dreading and anticipating all evening. “So what have you been up to all week, Bella?”


“Eric Yorkie? Are you serious?” Rose looked stunned. It was true that Eric didn’t fit Rose’s standards, but that didn’t mean he should be discounted altogether.

“Yes Rose, Eric Yorkie. He’s really not that bad, give him a break.”

“I’d like to break him! Have you heard about him Bella? Did he hurt you? That guy is a freak, and you should stay away from him.” Rose was scary when she went all protective on someone. It was a true testament to our friendship that she hadn’t harmed Alice for her insensitivity last week.

“Rose, I am completely aware of what’s been said about Eric. Trust me; I didn’t go into this blindly.”

Alice was looking at me horrified. I hadn’t really considered that Eric’s reputation would precede him this way, and I should have. It was apparent that I was going to have to do damage control, and quickly. Before I could say anything else, Alice’s timid voice filled my ears. “Did he hurt you Bella?”

I sighed. Here we go. It’s now or never. “Alice, he didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t allow or enjoy.” Well, that was certainly cryptic.

Rose and Alice exchanged a look of disbelief. “Are you sure? Did you hear what he does to girls? It’s barbaric!” Rose was on a rampage.

“Rose, calm down. I was warned about Eric in great detail from both Jessica and Lauren before I agreed to go out with him. Let’s just say I was curious.”

“Curious about being beaten during sex? Pfft. Don’t hand me that, Isabella Swan.”

“First of all, he didn’t beat me. He paddled me. Secondly, it was the best sex I’ve ever had. I actually had an orgasm, thank you very much.” I probably could have worded that better, but my temper was getting the better of me.

“Bella, I heard he ties girls up against their will and does things to them they would rather not have done. I wish you would have talked to us before you went out with that freak.”

“Rosalie Hale, you will calm the hell down. He’s no more of a freak than I am for enjoying that kind of pleasure during sex. I’ll give it to you that he shouldn’t be doing it against anyone’s will, but he most certainly had my consent.”

Alice, who had remained oddly quiet during this whole exchange, spoke up at that point. “You’re thinking about becoming a submissive, aren’t you?” That right there shocked the hell out of me. I sat there dumbfounded before I could find my voice.

“Of course she isn’t Alice. That would be insanity!” She was on a roll now, and it was going to take a hell of a lot of calming down before she’d even consider listening to reason.

All I could do was utter one word, “Yes.”

The rest of the evening had gone much smoother than I had anticipated. After Rose had calmed down, I was able to explain to them why I felt the way I did. I also explained to them the gnawing desire I had deep inside me to be dominated. Not in the way Eric had dominated those poor unsuspecting girls, but to be dominated by a true Master. Someone who would push me to my limits, but never harm me. Who would put my needs first and foremost.

They looked at some of the information I had found, and they were intrigued. At least they hadn’t shunned me completely. While they didn’t completely understand, at least they were willing to support me. The thought brought tears to my eyes. I truly had the greatest friends of all.

If their acceptance had been a surprise to me, what happened in the following weeks knocked me right off my feet. The following weekend, they had both shown up at my apartment in the bright hours of the morning to take me ‘shopping.’ They were both very cryptic about where we were going and why, but asked me to trust them. How could I not after everything we had already been through?

I sat slack-jawed and amazed, staring at the adult novelty store in front of us when we were parked at the curb. They had decided together that they were going to make sure I was safe and cared for. And they wanted to make sure I had the most accurate information I could find. I wasn’t sure why that meant we’d had to go to the next town over in search of a porn shop, but who was I to complain?

When we walked in, the clerk behind the desk looked up and smiled at us. “Hey! Welcome to The Forbidden Room, can I help you find anything?”

Alice bounced over to the counter and smiled back at the clerk. “Sure. We were wondering where there might be some information on BDSM.”

The girl’s brows shot up into her hairline as she looked us over. Then she smiled and pointed to the back of the store. “There are some books in the back. You might find what you’re looking for there.”

Alice smiled and thanked her before grabbing my hand and dragging me to the back of the store. All around there were books of every kind dealing with sex. Rose picked up one about Kama Sutra and began flipping through it. Alice picked up a skin magazine and eyed it balefully. “I honestly don’t understand what men find attractive about this.” She shoved the magazine in my face so I was eye to eye with a bare crotch. “She doesn’t have one natural thing about her. What do you think?”

I gently pushed the magazine away so I wouldn’t have to stare. Alice was waiting for my answer. “Um, I don’t know. I guess she could be pretty if she wasn’t so overdone.” I glanced back at the cover and noticed her ginormous bare breasts. “Those are a little over the top too.” I said, gesturing to what had to be at least a pair of FFF cups.

Alice just smiled proudly and put the magazine back on the rack. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

Rose was still flipping through her book when she gestured us both over. “How hard do you think this would be to do?” Alice and I both turned our heads to the side to look at the position. I wasn’t entirely sure it was possible at all to be honest. At least not comfortably.

It was called The Medusa and it looked like it would be a huge strain on the muscles. The man would be squatting with his buttocks resting on his heels while the woman would straddle his lap, facing him. I didn’t know how people could do that without toppling over, but I wasn’t exactly the most graceful person in the world.

“Um, I don’t know Rose. Wouldn’t you fall over or something?”

“Bella, Bella, Bella… anyone with a good sense of balance could do something like that. I bet it would be easy. I’ll have to talk to Emmett about it.” She tucked the book under her arm. “I’m going to go check out some of the naughty lingerie. Will you guys be okay over here?”

Alice waved her off and made her way back to the shelves to see what type of selection they had. Before she became engrossed, I had to ask her something. “Hey, Alice. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure Bella, what’s up?”

“How did you know I was interested in becoming a submissive? I mean, I hadn’t even said anything about it really before you asked me the other night.”

She turned and just looked at me. For a minute I didn’t think she was going to answer. “Easy Bella, I just listened to what you were saying. It wasn’t hard to figure out that you’d be interested after finally having an orgasm.”

I was a little stunned. It was that easy for her? “But, how did you know about Domination and submission before that?”

She giggled at me and swatted my arm. “Bella, really? Everyone on campus knew about Eric but you. It’s not hard to figure out which role he likes to play, and since you obviously enjoyed the receiving end it was just a matter of connecting the dots. Now, if we’re done discussing this, what about this book?” She handed me The Bottoming Book: How to Get Terrible Things Done to You By Wonderful People. I had to admit, it looked interesting. It would definitely be worth reading.

“Thanks Alice. For everything, I mean.” She just took the book from my hands and made her way to the counter. Then she looked back over her shoulder at me.

“Of course Bella. I love you.” It was that simple for her. She accepted this because she loved me.


Aside from my online research and my many trips to the library, I had become a regular at The Forbidden Room. I hardly bought anything since I didn’t really know where to start, but I felt comfortable around all the merchandise. I would finger the ball gags and imagine what they would feel like in my mouth, or run the scarves between my hands and think about being blinded that way again. Every time I left, it was with a sense of sexual frustration.

The clerk, who I’d come to find out was named Leah, was always very welcoming and happy to see me. Little did I know that today, she was going to give me a pass into this delightfully decadent world.

“Heya, Bells! Where are your girlfriends?”

“Hey, Leah. They couldn’t make it, so it’s just me today.” We had never really had too many conversations, but I liked her anyway. She never looked down on me or seemed to judge me. Instead she gave a bright smile and the offer of assistance if I needed it.

“That’s too bad. We got some new lingerie in stock that would look killer on Rose.”

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate that information. I’ll be sure to pass it on.”

“So, normally I don’t get this involved in the customer’s lives, but you interest me. Mind if I ask you something?”

I wasn’t sure what she was going to ask, but I didn’t see the harm in it. “Sure, why not?”

“Are you really looking into the BDSM world, are you just playing at it, or are you doing some kind of research?” She didn’t look upset, merely curious.

“I’m interested in joining the community.”

“Can I ask why?”

How did I explain this to someone who was virtually a stranger? And why were the answers coming easier than they had with my friends? “Well, it’s not really that complicated. I’ve never been able to achieve orgasm. That is, until a ‘friend’,” Yes I did the embarrassing air quotes. “of mine dominated me. It was the most incredible experience I’ve ever had and I’m not sure I want to give it up.”

“That’s a good answer. In fact, it’s a perfect one.” Then she handed me an index card that said ‘Ambrosia Café.’ Underneath there was an address, a date, and a time.

“What’s this?”

“That, is for the munch.”

Munch? My heart dropped to my stomach and my skin became clammy. I looked up at Leah and noticed she was grinning at me. “Um, gee…thanks Leah. But that’s not really my style.”

She had a confused look on her face before she looked at me again. “But didn’t you just say that you wanted to be a part of the community?”

“Well, yeah. But Alice and Rose… they’re just my friends. We don’t… I mean, we’re not… we’re not lesbians.” I blurted out in a rush.

Leah burst out laughing hard. She leaned over and put her hands on her knees while tears started leaking out of her eyes. She laughed for 4 or 5 minutes before she had to grab her sides. When she had finally calmed down she looked back at me, but was still chuckling. “What the hell did you think I was talking about?”

“Well, I don’t know. You said munch. That’s like for carpet-munch, right?”

Wild laughter rang through the store once more as she laughed at me. “No you idiot! I’m not talking about eating pussy. Jesus, that’s funny.” Her breathing was becoming ragged from all the laughter, but I was still confused.

“Then what the hell are you talking about?”

“A munch, Bella. In the BDSM community they have social gatherings for newcomers and people that are interested in finding out more information.” She gestured to the card in my hand. “They meet at a restaurant or pub of some kind and have something similar to a meet and greet. I thought you might like to meet some people in the community if you were serious about joining.”

Oh… not cunninglus. A party. Well, I certainly felt silly now. I blushed a violent shade of red before pocketing the card. “Sorry. Of course I’ll be there. Is it an open invitation?”

“Sure it is. And don’t worry about it, if I was a switch hitter or batting for the other team, I’d totally do you.” She winked before she went back to her work while I stood there staring at her.


“Carpet-munch? Are you serious?” They were laughing at me too. It seemed I was getting a lot of that these days, but not for the reasons I would have expected.

“What the hell was I supposed to think? I didn’t know what a munch was! Did you?” This just caused them to laugh harder.

“No,” Alice choked out between laughs, “but I can just see the look on your face when you thought she was hitting on you.”

“Thanks guys. Laugh it up. Bitches.”

“Awww, but you know we love you, Bellsy. Who else could you share a story like that with?” Rose may have been right, but that didn’t mean I had to like being laughed at. “Besides, you don’t think we’d let you go eat pussy on your own do you?”

Fresh peals of laughter rang through the room. I might love them, but right now, I despised them both. What had I gotten myself into?